Karachi Diaries-2011

Dark and Dirty

ayeshaakif — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 07:34:41 +0000

Photo credit- Mustafa Sheikh

Nights in Karachi are full pf promises. It’s when the sky turns a deep blue, almost black, that Karachi’s ugliness is hidden, its dirty streets become less visible and the city of lights as they used to call it, comes alive. Karachi is far from pretty. It mostly looks a muddy brown at a glance with rare patches of green. It has buildings of all shapes, sizes and colors. The paint on most of them has come off and cracked over the years. It is a city that grew more out of coincidence than planning. It is also a city that hardly sleeps, there is always the noise of buses, trucks, cars, motorbikes. Like most big cities in the World, Karachi’s charm comes at a cost. As the sun sets over the Clifton beach and the light starts fading, Karachi’s dirty and dark secrets are revealed to those who seek them. To others, it remains just as it was.

Maybe the city’s charm lies in this ambiguity, in the extremes that inhabit it, the contradictions that surround it. Karachi’s roads are happy to show its various dimensions. Shiny sparkly mini buses whiz past heavy Prados and Landcruisers. Women with blow-dried hair and painted nails walk along the narrow footpaths of Zamzama carrying their recently-bought shopping as do prostitutes with veils covering just their faces, not their synthetic shalwar kamizes. It’s a strange place, complicated city. Like a desi version of NewYork or London, a smaller and deteriorated version of Bombay. Under blueish purple skies, the heaps of garbage here and there are blurred, the narrow lanes and alleyways full of smoked cigarettes and wasted paan become more mysterious than disgusting.

new year..

ayeshaakif — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 13:05:07 +0000

Another year, happy 2012 to me. I was supposed to graduate this year. I haven’t said that sentence to myself in a while, I think I have accepted things in a nice peaceful way and it doesn’t bother me anymore. I start 3rd year at college from Monday. The good thing with Indus is that it keeps me so busy I hardly have time to sit down and think to myself: is it really what I want? What is it that I want to do?What would this year lead me to?Where do I want to work?Why am I not writing- have I almost given up on that dream?

Last year was very good for me in a lot of ways:

-Settled back in school, made new friends, accepted and grew fond of art school.

-Gained my mental peace and happiness back.

-Went for Hajj in an extremely unexpected, unplanned manner. Used stinking, dirty absolutely filthy toilets in Minaa and even showered in one when there was no choice. I had been wearing the same clothes and a burka for about three days and couldn’t stand it any longer.It was just a different experience altogether…needs a separate paragraph or more.

-made my way up from extremely useless design student to a slightly better one. Tried printmaking and even started liking it a little bit.

-got used to a somewhat lonely house, started liking it.

-got less emotional and tried to stop caring for people who have little to do with me.

-found M

Last year was also bad for me in a lot of ways…

- had zero drive or motivation to read or write.

-didn’t intern, work or anything useful.

December hurry up!

ayeshaakif — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 13:17:11 +0000

Another year ending and thankfully this time, another ACADEMIC year ending. I was extremely tired because I do an absolutely pathetic job of managing college projects. Today, I felt really bad I couldn’t go to type class because I hadn’t done the homework. Was up doing an art history essay till late and my head really hurt after reading pages and pages on contemporary art. It is pretty insane and the piece I was writing on was what some of my friends would say, next level. I have no idea how this phrase has emerged. Now I’m supposed to first cut out 13 squares and then poster colour signage onto those. I couldn’t care less to be honest about this assignment and then there’s more pending work over the weekend. This weekend, I’m not doing any housework before I get all the college work out of the way. There is lots of reading to be done during the winter break.I was looking forward to going to Lahore and had all the plans to go but now I’m excited about staying back and just not doing anything. Maybe I will come up with a slightly better and meaningful post once I’m done with poster colouring.

October afternoons

ayeshaakif — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 17:53:37 +0000

I don’t like October generally. Last year, I remember, I wished incessantly for October to just go away. This year, I don’t hate October this much, I don’t mind it one bit.Although the weather has worsened and the wind has become warmer and there is hardly any autumn to be seen, I am still happy. I don’t mind the afternoons either anymore. If I’m lucky, I come home sometime before four and there is that wonderful two hours nap that I look forward to because I know my dadi will wake me up a good half an hour before Maghrib and insist that it really has gotten dark outside. When I’m not sleeping, I am on the phone. I am in a daze most of the time and I know I must say lots of things that make no sense but my darling cherry friend doesn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, he tells me he even enjoys it. At times I cannot comprehend what is it that we talk about for so long.We find something or the other every October afternoon. I don’t feel bored one bit and I don’t want October to go away.

What else do writers do?

ayeshaakif — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 20:17:07 +0000

I have always liked calling myself a writer. This is funny and ridiculous because I haven’t really published anything apart from a few articles that don’t really count. It is also a difficult place to be in because I go to art school where people paint, draw, sculpt, design beautifully. I do what I have to do to get by. I don’t know what else to call myself, I don’t know which box to put myself in. I used to read a decent amount and even that has come to an end. I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself because if there’s anything I would really love to do is write. I comfort myself with the idea of design and photography, and maybe those are good comforts but if there’s something that really drives me and might one day motivate me to do something wonderful is writing. M tells me I should get started and I always nod and say I have to. Or I’ll say I’m trying. But the truth is I’m not really trying. I hardly give any time to it so what can I really expect? My life is not in the future for when I have the free time or when I have gotten myself out of art school but it is now. I have to do something, spend time in the library, wake up early, sleep less, whatever it takes. I need this back.

Ramzan, College, Chai, Love, Work..

ayeshaakif — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 20:02:43 +0000

I am in the middle of an assignment for the past four weeks or so and I feel I have done a very crappy job of executing it. I feel my research is rubbish, my design ordinary, my logo nothing brilliant. For the past so many days, I have only been slacking. I keep repeating the “Ramzan and college don’t go together” line and as much as it is true, it is not an excuse for doing work without substance. I think, I have finally realized how important research is in design, that you can’t just design something fantastic unless you know WHAT you’re talking about. There needs to be lots of notes, scribbling, ideas, thoughts that come together to create design that says a lot more than just looking pretty. I think I started with a really good idea, I saw it coming togther but I sort of gave up in the middle and lost heart. Probably this is also what happens to most of my projects because I lose interest half way. Another reason could be that I have not written for so many days, thus have not been able to communicate what I’m feeling/thinking to myself.

It will be unfair to say that I have not had inspiration. I have had lots of it in various shapes and sizes. While Karachi has been everything BUT an inspiration, the monsoon has finally come to us even though a bit late. Last week there was drizzle, there was rain. I was just speaking to M the other day and I told him how much I enjoy being on the fourth floor. My lounge has these large glass windows and I can see the city. The teen talwar, the crowded roads, the noise. There are cars and lights and that feeling of being amongst madness. Isn’t it madness that inspires? Don’t we all need the clutter to sort things out from?

Lights just got back. Am falling sleepy as it is, and I had thought of staying up till sehri.Need to work, need to really really work and get this out of the way. Why won’t something magical happen? Teen talwar roundabout looks so peaceful right now. The city sleeps early these days, Karachi is in bad times.

And oh did I say love is in the air?

Post mid-night..

ayeshaakif — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 22:21:02 +0000

Today has been an exceptionally boring day. Ever since I came about a month ago, I have had something or the other to do. Either I was cleaning the house or going out but today, I just didn’t know how to kill the time. I don’t have any new books with me and the ones that I do, I don’t want to read. I’ve watched a few films since I came.But today, there wasn’t even the house to clean since the maid had come yesterday and she left the house sparkling clean. Not a spec of dust. Everything neat and tidy.Not that I’m complaining as to why the house is clean, I was a bit bored of mopping and cleaning anyway.My shopping here consists of, so far, the following:

Big, spacious, printed handbag with brown fake leather straps. Very trendy, or so I think. Art school type.

Big black and brown bag, slightly more mature. For when I’m feeling all serious.

Dull gold flat slippers with rope like design.

Baby pink platform flip flops. Not that high though, pretty cute. Very beachy actually.

Turqoise blue sandals with big blue stone in the middle. Very, twenty first century I think.

Victorian printed hair clips. For whatever is left of my hair.

Silver ring with semi precious stones. Gold is so, last century and expensive.

Black lace and pink silk thong inspired undies which I think do not fit me.

I now want to make a tip to FOREVER 21 and buy some earrings. After all it’s the only jewelry I wear. I have had a sever complex about my clothing here though. There are nice and pretty skirts everywhere. Frocks. Tops. Blouses. Dresses. But no, our family shall refuse to move on with times and will continue to make life difficult for girls as they struggle with dupattas and matching laces and peeko. I asked maa what is the reason for this, I mean, one can be fully covered in say, a big gypsy skirt and a loose fitting top, right? They say it’s OK to wear a saree that puts everything on display (and by the way, full sleeves blouse kay sath agar saree pehenni hai, toh kindly na hee pehnay koi!) but it isn’t okay to wear something that doesn’t involve dupattas and the likes.

Of progress and ups of life

ayeshaakif — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 23:25:13 +0000

Honours list baby!!

This blog is slowly becoming more and more self-obsessed. But then, that is the whole point of blogs right? The above is my transcript from the spring semester. It is a marked improvement from the 2.1 in my first semester. It goes on to show that hard work does pay off, that staying up three nights in a row to write a research paper maynot be the best way to do it but it still works. I have always been one for saying that grades don’t matter in life and that we all know is mostly true, but I was sick of being in the bottom 10 students. It has helped recover my self-belief that was down in the dumps somewhere.

This transcript also marks a happy beginning for the latter part of the year, the second half. I realize it has been rather gloomy around here and the good things in life should be celebrated. Last year this time, I was going through many problems. So thank you God, for making the twenty first much better. Good thing about now is that there is less junk in terms of school and people. There is less clutter to waste time on and well, am even thinking of seriously wasting less time on face-book and getting down to the personal project that I want to finish before I graduate. And this time, I’m really very serious about it.

Books I want to read.

ayeshaakif — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 15:42:17 +0000

- Empires of the Indus- Alice Albinia

-Diary of a social butterfly-Moni Mohsin

-Bridget Jones: The edge of Reason- Helen Fielding

Mistress- Anita Nair

The daily monotony of Life.

ayeshaakif — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 16:16:48 +0000

I woke up late today, not that it is something new. We have these really cool blinds/shutters between the glass of the window and the grill. The shutters go up and down by using just a button. It is quite the wonder for those who like to sleep in late without sunlight disturbing them. In Karachi, I have off-white roman blinds which do not stop the light, luckily, for I wouldn’t be able to get up otherwise. So, with the room all dark and the air-conditioner working, I never really know what the time is.

It feels as if the daily chores of life, whether routine or not, will never come to an end. There will always be the dishes. There will always be the washing, the cleaning, the mopping, the chai-making, the phones ringing. Leaves me wondering if there’s a way to escape all of this, even if for a little while. And maybe that is the reason why people go on holidays and prefer to stay in hotels. No changing the sheets and clearing the dirty dishes. It becomes a drag, really. I mean, there will always be underwear to wash, and if you have the kind of hair that I do, then you’d always have a floor full of hair that has fallen despite the expensive treatment it has been going under for a decade. Initially, I was cleaning every day but then I thought, “I’m on holiday, I’m supposed to relax and not worry about what I worry about back home”

This restlessness, I fear, is part of my nature. For if I watch TV or sit empty, I fear I’m wasting the time of my life that should either be spent reading or writing. I have been making progress for atleast I write the blog, I am also reading more(online) although nothing of any literary substance. But I think, I have made progress from last year when I absolutely did nothing major to help improve my reading or writing. I had started this year with uncertainty and forced belief. I got my results the day before, I have never been a believer of judging people by their success at college, but it does feel good to be out of the useless people of the class.Even if the whole college life experience accounts very little to what we actually make of our lives.